I think I figured out my therapist’s trick. she always asks “what about sacrificing yourself just a little bit more?” “and a bit more?” until I reach the fuck no point. and she will roll all the way back and say “cool now that we know where you draw the line, how do we draw the most comfortable line?”
today we found out my line of comfort is to exert close to zero effort in maintaining this particular relationship we were talking about. and my next step is to make that clear to the other person.